Today I am 22.
Whenever my birthday comes around I feel like I'm waiting for that second when everything will change and I'll feel special or something. But every year, I still feel the same. Apart from this year, which is quite strange and probably why I've almost been pushing the thought of my birthday out of the way. I don't usually define myself by numbers. As someone very close to me once said, "my soul is young despite my years". Although I think in some part I have an old soul, I think that you're as young as you feel and despite how old I may get I'm not going to turn into those women who let their personalities age and they forget to enjoy the beauty of life.
Yet, this year I feel 22. Its as though overnight I have grown. It sounds quite strange but I feel as though I have stepped onto a new planet where life will never be the same again. I suppose I can attribute this feeling to the fact that 21 brought about a lot of life changes, the biggest being my university graduation. Knowing that I'm no longer a student and I'm required to now enter the "real world" is really strange and quite difficult to comprehend. The way I see the world isn't as carefree as it was before, but instead I'm thinking of the future and my life plans. In part, I feel as though I may have missed some crucial stages before 22, even though I know it's all in my imagination. 22 just feels more serious than any other age before. 22 always seems like that defining age in your life where your life turns upside down and unless you cling on for dear life you'll end up a complete mess. I know my mind exaggerates things, but it is still difficult to fully accept the reality of the situation.
22 is still so young, and in part I feel so not ready to face the world yet. Entering the work force terrifies me and in a way, even the saying, "work force" is difficult to pronounce. Entering the "work force" sounds like settling. I don't want to think of a future career as something part of the work force. I just want to see it as something that I do because I love it. I don't want to have to drag myself to work everyday. It's exactly this mentality that makes me question my naivete in a world where everyone else is constantly striving to appear older than they are and feeling like a failure if they don't have a job straight out of graduation.
I suppose that is my rant for today. I'm excited to see what 22 brings me although I am absolutely terrified at the same time. I know change is inevitable but sometimes I wish I could put it off for a little while and be a child once again. I would love to go back to a time when the days seemed to have no limit and my dreams has no boundries.
I hope you're all having a wonderful day!